the end of the innocence

last night, JD started asking some probing questions. it quickly became clear that he no longer believed in Santa Claus and was going to have us admit it. come to find out, the boy hasn’t believed since Kindergarten. he just couldn’t believe that a giant bunny rabbit hopped from house to house with candy and stuff for kids all over the world. it seemed preposterous to him and he was just sure the bunny would have been arrested for breaking and entering. well, JD was in our bed and Ellie soon came in as well. all 4 of us on the bed with the dog. JD couldn’t contain himself any more and he just started laughing, which made me laugh. Ellie asked why we were laughing and then JD said it’s because my beard looks funny . . . and that made me laugh harder. and by this time everyone was laughing. eventually we turned to Ellie and asked her about her beliefs. she played along for a minute, thinking that she didn’t want to ruin it for JD. but eventually she let us know that she’s known for years. we all laughed a bunch more and the kid told stories about how i’d slipped up here and there (e.g., forgetting to do the tooth fairy once and coming back the next day, leaving toy packaging out in a bag for stuff in stockings, etc.).

eventually it was time for the kids to go to bed (it was about 10:30 when our session together ended). JD stayed in with Paula and Ellie went back to her bed — i went out to watch boxing. anyway, Paula said that JD then cried. why? because he just didn’t want to grow up. he’s having such a fun time being a kid and he doesn’t ever want to grow older. Paula explained that there is much fun in being able to make your own decisions and choosing your own destiny. i think part of this came on because the kids saw “Where the Wild Things Are” at the movie theater earlier that day . . . and JD cried during much of that movie as well. i think a lot of stuff was just hitting him all at once today. quite the overwhelming day, but he came through very well and the first thing he did today was jump up next to me on the couch and put his little arm around me and sigh with a little chuckle, “dad, that was fun last night, wasn’t it?” yes it was.